The steps can be called the 12 steps to freedom, the twelve steps to joy and happiness beyond the sex addicts wildest dreams. In this room they are lauded with courage for just showing up. Addicts are used to being shunned or being called weak. To be around people who offer support: phone calls, texts, emails or meetings for coffee or meals is foreign to the addict. Being in a single place with people who can identify with their behaviors immediately diminishes isolation. Going to meetings with people who understand sex addiction. There is this empty feeling which is often followed with shame and guilt. The overwhelming number of sex addicts are not happy or satisfied after they have orgasmed. Sex Addiction whether with another or by oneself leads to a sense of isolation. Whether the Sex Addict considers themselves to be a religious person, an agnostic or an atheist, 12 step programs provide instant relief and infinite possibilities of recovery. Twelve Step Program: The First Line of Defense Others will graduate to illegal behaviors such as: exhibitionism, voyeurism and sex with minors. Anonymous sex takes place in bathrooms, parks, bars, adult bookstores and many others.Ī smaller percentage of sex addicts graduate to risky behaviors such as unprotected sex. These include but are not limited to the following behaviors: massage parlors, strip clubs, sex clubs, adult bookstores. Many Sex Addicts involve themselves in compulsive behavior that involves other people. Many people who would not have become addicts became addicts because of the availability, privacy and intensity of the high.
When coupled with the internet in the ’90s, it exponentially increased the access and pleasure. I had one client that remembers starting this behavior when he was 5 years old. Clients have reported that remember masturbating to orgasm long before they ejaculated. Sex addiction has many faces: there are solo acts which include compulsive masturbation, sometimes 2 or more times a day. No sex-addict on their own has enough willpower to stop. This adds to the shame of the addict, which adds to the spiral of relapse. I have found over and over again, that when compulsive sexual behavior is not looked through the lens of disease, the addict and the family around them consider it to be a lack of willpower or a moral deficiency. In almost every case I have treated, their has been addiction in the family (Not coincidentally, there has almost always been addiction in the partner’s family also). The addict is responsible for their behavior, but they are not responsible for the circumstances that led to creating an addict. Many health professionals use the word illness because the disease model has been a very effective model for dealing addictions of all kinds. I have found that they are actually two very different manifestations of the same illness. I have been working with Sex Addicts and love addiction (more on Love Addiction in a different article) in my practice since 1990.
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